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Since being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes I have had to come to terms with (I havent really, but) many changes in my life.. even though doctors preach that "you will be able to live life just like normal with your diabetes" and "you can eat whatever you want and do whatever you want" I feel like that is not the case - to allow myself to live life just like before I have to do a bunch of things I did not used to do every day!

 

I used to be able to go about life not having to think boluses, basals, glucose numbers and hypos/hypers interupting with every day life such as stopping me from completing/beginning a workout. Right now I am a bit sick too, which adds on to the pity feelings. I see myself getting frustrated when other people with (in my opinion) way easier lives and smaller problems complain and are unappreciative of what they got. Maybe that is a part of not coming to terms with my own disease yet or a natural reaction when having a chronic illness. I had a great conversation with Mr. C about this a few days ago and came to the conclusion after much help from him that everyone must be allowed to have their own problems/"battles" that are the biggest things in their lives. 

 

Now I feel slightly selfish to even have thought this in the first place, cause it sounds a lot like selfpity, something I am not used too. I have a chronic illness but I do not want to live the rest of my life feeling like I should be allowed selfpity because of it and like I have "the worst illness" and therefor no one else can talk to me about their issues.. just thinking about it now I sounds ridicolous that I have even thought this way. I mean one would think after the history my family have with cancer I should not feel like diabetes is a big deal, but personally, for just me, it has the biggest impact on my daily life out of anything thas has ever happened to me. STILL. that is no reason to feel selfpity. I know I am going on in circles here.

 

What I know is my illness will kill me if I dont give myself insulin - therefor I should take it seriously, but I dont have to let it make me feel selfpity - thats just giving diabetes even more control over my life. 

 

// Joanna (time to stop feeling sorry for myself and continue on to the next step of accepting this fucking disease)

 

 

It's such a beautiful fall day outside but the sun hurts my eyes when I am laying on the couch (haha) so the blinds are down. 

Not much else fun going on over here :/ just trying to get rid of this cold and fever! 

//Joanna (make us healthy again please)

On the flipside - Mr C just called and said he wasn't feeling well, he even said he didn't want tacos for dinner which was the plan (duhhh itsFriday) so now I'm gonna make a nacho taco salad just for myself for dinner and prepare to take care of a boyfriend with a mancold ;) 

Tomorrow I am off and am honestly just going to chill all day - I think I need it even though it's all I've been doing lately - because following tomorrow I have three days in a row of work then a day off then a day in school plus it's my 25th birthday on Thursday! So next week will be more hectic - thus I will do my best to enjoy chill time tomorrow! 

Oh and other than chilling, tomorrow night I am actually going to a 30th bday party! So I won't be a total potato tomorrow ;) 

// Joanna (excited to be home soon) 

Here I am on public transport instead along with surprisingly many other early birds, at least it's Friday - doesn't really mean much since I work on the weekend.. But I try to tell myself Friday's are good days - I've always done that ;) (Sundays are bad and boring days - recently not so much - but it's what I've told myself since I was a kid) 

So let's see, other than being a couch potato the past few days I have worked on my analysis for school, had falafel at palmyra, been to the liquor store (?!) and had a meeting at the diabetes association. The latter being the most exciting, successful meeting that makes me feel good about the future :)

 

Stranded on the couch all day.. I am sick or I have a cold, but that is as sick as I get because I dont really get fevers. I have had a lot of time to write my analysis for school - I will be honest, I havent used this time that wisely, but some progress have been made.

 

 

Soon I will be getting a shower though and planning on blowdrying my hair for the first time in like EVER.. I actually got a haircut last week, but I have pretty much had it in a ponytail since then other than the picture above, I am too comfortable haha. I plan on leaving the house later to pick up Mr. C and go to Palmyra (Årstas most famous kebab place, they have delicious falafels) to pick up dinner - enough excitement for the day to do my hair - thats the level of boredness I am at right now. 

 

// Joanna (getting off of the couch right now - accomplishment of the day!)

Whoops! 

So here we go all or nothing and on top of it I wrote today's workout so with our without strong shoulders I am damn right going to have to finish it - wish me luck! 

After that awaits a full family day, mother and I are going to the farmers market and then cooking and baking followed by family dinner and going out with brother and mr. C :) 

// Joanna (after this workout I will be happy :) )

Mood swings, glucose roller coasters, minor personality crisis... 

 

I am thinking that some unsteady hormone levels are involved, I am happy one second and the next I am confused and upset. Like the other day at school, I had decided to do a project about triathlon, but after a discussion with my teacher who told me it was okay to do what I was going to do but gave me some insight in what might be better... I got so confused! And in all honesty I have been confused with my schooling for a long time. Dont get me wrong, I feel like its the right program and school for me, but I am struggling to know what I should focus on. Triathlon or swimming is the big question. With triathlon I feel like a newbie who is just trying to stay afloat, with swimming I know a lot and feel comfortable. I came to the conclusion that thinking about what I want to work with in the future - endurance athletes and possibly in regards to diabetes - the sound choice is to do projects focusing on swimming but also endurance. I can do projects and essays regarding endurance training but use swimming as my foundation in making these. That way I can base my projects of something I know well, I think if I would do similar projects within triathlon I would only be able to scratch the surface on the matters I actually want to write about, because I would be busy learning the sport as well... you get my point right? Plus I like swimming, I think it will always be a big part of my life... its just that right now I am not that interested in swimming myself... its hard to do something you used to be great at!

 

Anyhow... I sort of had an aha moment in the classroom there, and thank god I did, because I felt like I was having quite the personal crisis there?! "Like who am I and what do I want to do?!"- kind of moment. 

 

Ive accomplished some pretty good workouts the past few days, even though my energy level neither mentally or physically has been great.. ran 15km on monday with a good pace of 5:47. Went on the trainer on tuesday for 30minutes even though I was having a shitty day and no motivation. 

 

 

 

 

 

Also did some baking today, french bread with a rising dough that rose quite well (always tricky). I put the dough in the oven when it was turned off and put a hot pot of water in there as well to create some moisture and heat but not too much, thats a trick I learned from a TV baking show that I watch :) Bread turned out great, 5+ out of 5 according to my mother!

 

Love our view, cannot believe that Mr. C and I have gotten so far together that we can now call this view ours.. to be owning our own apartment at our age I think is something to be proud and feel lucky about

This evening it was time for the usual "We Run Diabetes" run.. it was a very fun and quick run around Årstaviken. Glucose dropped - but whats new - hopeful that I will be able to figure out a "solution" to this problem soon.. for my own sanity I need to figure out a way to not drop so hard during workouts!

To sum it up... I dont really know where I am going now, but I tell myself if I keep doing what feels right it will all probably work out well. If you try your hardest how can anything really go wrong?! - thats what I keep telling myself at least ;)

 

// Joanna (thankful for a stable nighttime glucose - it was not stable earlier - thankful for the little things)

My CGM is back and running again - who is happier than me right now??? No one ;)

 

The day that started in frustration is turning out quite well, I am making vegetable soup in the crock pot, making banana bread from a bunch of very ripe bananas, listening to good music, wearing my favorite comfy clothes, and going to make "linner" soon which consists of vegan burgers that a kind neighbor gave to me.

 

 

I have been absent for a little I know! Why?!

- because I feel like my english sucks right know compared to how it used to be, I dont want sucky english blog posts.

So.. why write in english?!

- because I want to ultimately reach friends and people from all over the world!

 

So here we go, I am going to TRY HARDER to type better english :)

 

Since you heard from me last I have really improved my training regime. I believe Lidingöloppet, the 30K trail run, ignited something in me. As the competetive person I am I want to try harder to be better! I am doing the Stockholm winter marathon in november and I want to be prepared. 

 

This weeks workouts; 

Monday - 1 hour gym

Tuesday - 1 hour swim in the morning, 40min run in the evening

Wednesday - 45min mountainbike

Thursday - 1 hour swim in the morning, 1 hour run in the afternoon

Friday - 1 hour 20min bikeride

Saturday - 1 hour 30min bikeride

(Sunday - 1 hour 30min run)

 

Total of 10 hours :)

 

Looking at this it is hard to believe that I used to easily be able to work out 20 hours a week. I have a lot of other commitment at the present moment though, which makes it harder to squeese in workouts plus I have diabetes which adds on the difficulty. 

 

On my way to swim practice at 6:30am, beautiful sky and crisp air!

 

After my first run on tuesday, solid 5K pace - 26min11sec

 

After my run on thursday, intervals and running technique training with 4 of my classmates - superintense but also a ton of fun!

 

I have had my CGM now for a month and a half - it has been (diabetes)lifechanging!! In the beginning I did not notice an improvement, but now its massive!!! I have figured out how to lower my basalrate for exercise and lower it to avoid hypos and extra/unnecessary calorie intake. In other words - a better life quality!!! It used to be so frustrating how I had to eat almost as many calories as I burned - COUNTERPRODUCTIVE! Another counterproductive aspect is that hypos slows your recovery down significantly and can almost erase the gains from the workout you just completed, but since this doesnt happen as much with the CGM, my workouts have doubled in productivity ;)

 

I have had a pretty busy week, but tomorrow I am having a whole day alone at home just to myself - love those days!! No offense to Mr.C, love having him home too, but I need my alone time. I am also going for a long run - unfortuantely on my own (major dislike) - but I have to do it!

 

//Joanna (excited for my day off tomorrow)

 

 

 

On Saturday was the trail run of 30K called Lidingöloppet! I had been told it was hilly, but I could not have imagined it being so hilly. Race report will follow in later post ;) but here is picture, and you who know my smile must see that this smile is so forced because I felt like poop when it was taken! Very happy with the race, the time and was so much fun running with my awesome dad! 

Before the weekend on Thursdayy family and Fanny's family had a dinner at La Cucarcha, supergood tapas restaurant! I also took a walk with Fanny on Sunday before they left too be to Barcelona yesterday 

Yesterday I went on a walk with Nora, a friend from the youth diabetes council, she is not on it still but we remained friends. This weekend we are going out with our boyfriends too, will be fun because they have never met :) 

Right now I am on the subway to scchool, we are presenting our projects today! 

Took a pic on the balcony before I left 

Misty morning! One thing I love about the fall :) 

//Joanna (legs are still sore and I had to run to the subway, always last minute but never late haha)

Mr. C and I have gotten into a new show, White Collar, and just watched the last episode of season 4 before he had to get ready for work.. it was a superbig cliffhanger at the end of the epsiode, I cannto handle not knowing, especially not when I have to focus on school work for the rest of the day, so had to go on IMDB and see what happened in season 5 hahaha (I am redicolous I know). Mr.C is just laughing at me saying its just a TV show, but I cannot help but get invested in it haha

 

Tonight I am going for another run with my newly started running group called "We Run Diabetes", we run every wednesday at 6pm and we all have diabetes! There are almost 40 members to the facebook group, so far 4 people have turned up to the runs, but hoping more will join. The point of the running group is for us with diabetes to have an opportunity to meet people with more than diabetes in common, which might be the case in the ordinary "fika" meeting. In this group we have two things in common; diabetes and the love/like for excercise! :)

 

Yesterday I swam with my classmates, I have been teaching some of them how to become better swimmer, I really enjoy it! Its so awesome going to a school where everyone share the same interest of excercising and learning new things :)

The last 24hrs I have had quite a lot of very tasty but high carb foods, these are the times I wish I didnt have diabetes. But it does not work like that, I will have to learn how to deal with that as well, how to not care if my bloodsugar goes up just because I am having pumpkin bread or a hotel breakfast. I love doing those things, but its not a part of my everyday routine.. so why do I get upset about my sugar getting high from it, when it is so rare?? Maybe it is because I enjoy baking, I enjoy having breakfast with my friends, or having panini for lunch with Mr.C and I do not wasnt my high bloodsugar to shadow these otherwise very happy moments in my life. It is a tricky disease.. should you be avoid the carbs like the plague, feel upset when your bloodsugar gets high or is there an in between, I have not yet figured that out - but I will let you know when I do! :)

 

Anyways.. not thinking about diabetes I have had a pretty good last 24hrs, for some reason I was so emotional and bitchy yesterday, like I could not stop finding stuff that annoyed me, and you all know who unfrotunately got the worst of it. Remind me to thank him later!

 

Yesterday it took us forever to figure out what we were going to do with our day together, partly what made me frustrated, and then our clothes did not match which made me frustrated again (why did this frustrate me yesterday?? I have no clue, it doesnt usually frustrate me, I had one of those days!). After a lot of back and forth we decided to go to the English shop before his appointment with the naprapath who is helping him with his runners knee. We found the pumpkin puree!!! :) And when he was at his appointment I worked out which was great cause I could blow off some steem.. felt a lot better after working out! I havent been able to the past few days because I pulled something in my left hamstring on thursday and I have a 30k trailrun on sunday and didnt want to make it worse... Thus no workout = added frustration!

 

Last 24hrs in pictures:

I have to go by the English shop at medborgarplatsen today and buy pumpkin purée, only place in stockholm that has it pretty much, because now I am in a baking mood!! 

Been a great/calm morning, just what I wanted. Now we are going into the city for some errands and a nice stroll in the beautiful weather :)

Right now (this day) I don't care too much about my bloodsugar or diabetes, just happy that it's a sunny day and I get to spend the whole day with Mr. C :) 

//Joanna (so excited about pumpkin and baking tonight) 

But I had a great bikeride to work, headphone in one ear listening to an awesome song, air was crisp and the sky was blue - awesome day to be alive! Was my feeling, I tried getting it into a picture, but it's hard to take a selfie while on your bike but gave it a shot..

Current bloodsugar is 11mmol/L and it's been high like that since breakfast, same yesterday until I left work, seems to be a bad pattern I have, always high while working.. Why is that!? Enlighten me PLEASE!