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Sometimes when I take my glucose or shots (about 6-10 pricks in the finger for glucose and 2-6 shots in the belly or buttocks area per day), I get an aha moment of "oh yes I have diabetes". Every time this happens its like a reality check and almost like I am one percent at a time realizing I have this diesease and that I have to live with it, by the way I am maybe 25% there so far :P . Tonight this happened, when I was going to test my sugar before going to bed, I always like to test it to make sure my number is high enough so I do not have to worry about dipping too low over night, tonight it was 8.4mmol/L, which is to me a solid number. I like to be as close to 8 as possible when I go to bed (wanted range at all times is 5-8). Anyhow, as I said tonight was another pinch me in the arm moment, when I got one step closer to accepting the fact that type 1 diabetes is now a part of my life forever. Ive read a couple of blogs from other people with type 1 and am currently reading a book called "not dead yet" by a type 1 diabetic pro-cyclist and it seems like for all of us, it takes time to become at peace with this disease. Different from other diseases, there is not really a treatment that will instill us with hope that we will get better.. because as far as the research has got today, they still have not came up with anything to make type 1 diabetics less diabetic. What we can do, is accept that we have this, find a way to make it a part of our lives but still not take over our lives, and do our best to control it so that we can be healthy. From different people affected by diabetes I hear hope of finding cures, but that does not really help me now! I mean I think it is great that a lot of money and resources is put into research for a cure, however, that hope will not help me live my life now, I still have to work on accepting being diabetic.. I cannot prolong my acceptance in hope that soon there will be a cure, becuse that is too uncertain.. 

 

I know this is some deep diabetic thoughts going on here haha..maybe too much to post in public, but I feel like as a diabetic its easy to fight silent battles, because to the public it does not seem like we are sick. That can be a huge benefit, because even though we are sick we can still live our lives almost like anyone else.. But the mental battle with coming to terms that your life is now controlled by numbers is still pretty great. I am definetely not seeking pity, I kind of despise it, just putting my thoughts out there hoping that maybe it will help people realize that just because people look and appear normal, they might be fighting a huge battle either physically or psychologically that you know nothing about (or in a diabetics case both).