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Earlier today:

Sitting on the dock as hellasgården, got up from the workout, found a (half) legitimate excuse and took it.. I do not want to swim! Have had the worst motivation level ever when it comes to swimming lately. It has actually been hard to get out and do any type of working out, there are several reasons to this.

 

Physically, my diabetes has not cooperated with me in the past week and I had migraines again yesterday. I cannot help but feel that my body is just not with me at the moment. It goes in waves, sometimes I feel pretty good for a couple of days, energetic and all that, but then I just loose all of it just as easy.. I have not been able to spot a pattern, it would be awesome if I could pinpoint something that triggers the bad days. 

 

Psychologically, I am struggling handling everything with my illness, there is a constant battle in my head of what I should and should not do when it comes to everything, work out, eating and sleeping even. I have a hard time figuring out if I use my diabetes as an excuse or not. It took me forever with swimming to trust my instincts, for example, when I was younger I would train even though I had a sore throat but it would always lead to me being gone for longer, eventually I started trusting my gut feeling so when I started having cold symptoms I would sit out on a few practices until I got better... I am not trusting my gut now that diabetes is in the picture. Maybe it is something you get better at after longer time with it, I hope so.. 

 

Present time:

At the moment I kind of just want to take a break from everything; diabetes, training, worrying about eating and sleeping, working, money worries... you name it, would be awesome if all of it would just leave me alone for a week.. only a week... I want a universal remote control like from the movie Click, I would PAUSE everything around me except for Mr.C, him and I could just lay in front of an ocean somewhere without worries AND diabetes - THAT WOULD BE THE DREAM!

 

This depressing post aside, I will keep on fighting, because I am not a quitter! I will not give up, even though it may sound like it when you read this. Tonight I am going to chill on the couch with my awesome guy and then go to bed clean (just showered) and in clean sheets (sheet switching day), three great things right there that WILL make me feel better...